I could REALLY do with a hug.

I just need some physical affection to be shown to me! And I don't mean the sweet kind from my son...or the "are you my mommy" kind from the kitten or the "Cpl Bender, you're the greatest" pat on the back I get at work. I need some lovin'. The kind ya get from someone who knows you, knows your body in all its stretchmarked scrawniness (or flabbiness, or fluffiness....fill in your own blank here) and STILL thinks you are the most amazing and beautiful woman on God's green earth. I miss my husband. I could really use some nakie time under the sheets with him. I think it would put me in a REALLY GOOD MOOD. I just need to have that physical closeness you know. It's nice to talk to someone on the phone...but it's so much better to talk to them in person you know.

Well...I'm thinking about this at home business thing. Premier Designs Jewelry. I was interested in it a few years back when I was still in Omaha...but I didn't have the money or the self confidence then that I have now. I think I could deffinately make it fly...and it would give me something to fall back on later when I am out of the Marine Corps. It's something I'm praying about...

Thank God for Penasillin

Or however you spell it! I am already feeling better. I actually slept pretty well last night...my body doesn't ache, I can swallow without any pain...I'm actually interested in food. This is a GOOD thing!

Ok...I am just now coming back to the above...had to do a few things around the house...but now I guess one or both of those meds are trying to wreak havoc on my stomach. I ate before taking them...but Motrin likes to play tricks on me sometimes even though.

Hmmm...

My first ever....

case of Tonsillitis. I'm fast approaching 30...and that ickiness I had last night...the aches and pain, all because of my tonsils. My husband actually said "You still have your TONSILS?" all surprised when I told him what my diagnosis was! Sooo...the doctor gave me Motrin, Penasillin and Tylenol 3 (with Codiene). I've taken the Penasillin and Motrin so far...Donovan is up and about so I can't take the Tylenol 3 for fear of falling asleep. But...I am already starting to feel better! I am actually interested in playing with my kid! And...I can swallow with less pain already. HURRAY! God is Good!

Donovan...

Here is my little man straight out of the bath the other night. He's in desperate need of a hair cut...but he's still pretty cute. LOL!

I'm sick...took my temp tonight...It's 101.3 right now. Oh goodie...I get to spend my weekend sick with a 16 month old baby to take care of! LORD...MAY I PLEASE HAVE MY HUSBAND BACK SOON? I could really use his help. I could really use him to just entertain and feed Donovan tomorrow so I can sleep this crud off. I've got a sore throat, sore, swollen glands, head ache...stuffy nose, upset tummy...oh fun fun fun! I just want to cry. My neighbor thought I'd been crying...cause my face is all puffy.

I'm taking care of my friend Tracy's cat while she goes up to Pennsylvania to visit family. That cat HATES it here and she HATES Ira. The kitten just wants to play. Kiki is having NONE of it. Poor things. My house is a wreck. I really need a housekeeper. I'm too tired to take care of it lately. There's a foul smell emanating from my trash can. I'm too scared to look in there tonight and find out what it is. This kind of thing...this is what Hubbys are good at. Finding out what the gross smell is in the bottom of the trash can...too bad they don't always DO anything about it! HAHA! "It's a banana peel that slipped between the liner and the trashcan...".

So...I'm wondering...what am I gonna do to get to work when I run out of gas and they 've shut down the pumps (as the rumor mongers are predicting)? I live like 30 minutes from Parris Island. I live in base housing so don't give me any "you should live closer to where you work" jive...I took what housing was available at the time...and they won't let me move to PI's housing.

I saw the first autistic (I assume he is...he was showing signs I've seen in adult autistics) baby I've ever seen today. How's that for a sheltered life? The little guy is about Donovan's age...he's beautiful with dark eyes and dark hair. And my heart broke in two for him to be trapped in there...the essence of him...his soul, his mind...to be in there, looking out...unable to express himself. He had intelligent eyes...like he had a lot to say. I just wanted to reach out and touch him...hold him, comfort him. Instead all I could do was watch Miss Gina attempt to feed him. I tried to comfort him with words, but she said "he's special...he has a hard time with this sometimes..." so I let it go and thanked God that he has special people out there who are blessed with way more strength and patience than I have who have the ability and the grace to parent these little treasures...all locked up inside themselves. I should find out who this little man's Mama is and tell her if she ever needs a helping hand...or someone to talk to over coffee, I am here. I may not be able to understand...but I am always able to LISTEN.

God Bless the little children Lord...

Woobie for Dannan's Baby Girl

Sooo...Dannan, (my "baby" sister) has a new little baby girl. Her name is Trinity. She's beautiful. I made her her first "homemade" baby blanket. It came out so cute. I'm so proud of it I can scarcely contain myself! LOL! I don't have much in the way of creativity so when I accomplish something this pretty...I'm deffinately stoked. I started it one night here at the house...but finished it last night while I was on duty. I hope they like it!

Well, I had planned on posting a new pic of Donovan from last night's bath time. It's absolutely precious. BUT...my camera has other plans and I'm out of double A batteries! Oh well.

Tonight my friend Tracy and I took the kids for a walk (her two girls and baby boy and my little man too). When we got to my house, I discovered I'd left the sprinklers on for a bit too long...and water had run into our paved alley way and was going down the sewer drain. The kids started splashing in it some and before I knew it they were all having the BEST time! My friend said to me "My girls are gonna teach Donovan bad habits". All I could say was "This is the stuff good memories are made of...the times we let them act like kids and enjoy it along with them." I told her that 5 years from now those girls are gonna say "Mommy, remember the time we played in the water at Miss Jenna's house?". As the water started to fade away enough so that there was nothing to splash in anymore...I decided to prolong the fun some and turned on my hose and sprayed the kids down. They LOVED it! And I'm sure they are all sleeping well now. Worn out... I know Donovan is! I needed something to make me laugh like a little girl today! Thank you Lord for the little ones...and the little things they do!

Skeeved OUT!!!

This is an email I recieved from my stepdad last night. He was supposed to come down and "help me" with Donovan for a few days...as well as maybe go golfing or something. I am currently waiting for my mom to call me from her work so that I can explain all this to her (why I'm telling him NOT to bother getting on a plane tomorrow afternoon!). I could totally have gone my entire life without hearing something like this from him. GAG! I'm pissed too...read on...

"Hi Jenna, I thought of another small detail. You said something; about leaving Donovan in day-care on Monday and Tuesday. You will, probably, need to sign me in; so that I can pick him up, on Monday afternoon. I had a very vivid dream, about you, last night; sort of "mildly erotic". You were standing in the middle of a room; just looking at me; wearing a feminine, white bra, and panties. Panties were not bikini; but just below the belly button. I was thinking; how very lovely, and beautiful, you were; and how much I wanted to tenderly hold you,; and kiss you gently, in a long, soul-kiss. I woke up, then; so that was it; but it left a warm memory. I may be "too old to cut the mustard any more"; but I can still dream. You know; that I've loved you, for many years. It was difficult, sometimes, not being able to show it. I never felt anything like that, with Sarah; or Dannan; although they were , probably, prettier than you; when they were younger. Not to worry; over me trying anything with you. I'vealways respected a "No", from any woman; almost to a fault; as many women have found out. Anyway; it will give me great pleasure; just being with you; and buying things for you. Try to wear your glasses; when we go shopping; or to restaurants; as that is how I've always pictured you. Not that you do not look absolutely wonderful, without them, also. I do enjoy talking with you; more than any other woman I've known; also. Love You, John "

I'm gonna go throw up now...

This...is Donovan. His face has thinned out a bit since this photo was taken a couple months ago. But he's a cutie huh? :)

Meet Ira!

So...I had to run to Walmart yesterday to get a birthday card for a baby girl in Donovan's daycare class. I also had to get a gift bag to put all her presents in. On the way out of the parking lot I decided to run into the shoe store to see if I could find a pair of sneakers I liked for Donovan. After purchasing the child a new pair of New Balance sneakers (he LOVES new shoes and new clothes! He's ONLY 15 month! I've given birth to a Metrosexual...) we were ready to leave. On the way out of the parking lot I spied a woman with the hatch of her SUV open and a small sign in her hand. I had to drive by her anyway and on the way past I saw the sign ready "Free Darling Kittens". No "to good home" so I figured I was in! LOL! I've been thinking about getting a kitten or a cat or a something...but I didn't go actively looking because I figured "if I'm meant to have a pet, the good Lord will put one in my path". He put one in my path. Directly. And soooo...I have a new male in my life. Isn't he cute?

I'm so Blessed

My older son called me yesterday. I'm so happy about that! I have missed him so bad, but somehow felt like I had to sit back and let him and his daddy decide when is the right time to talk to me. I hope and pray that I can see him "soon". I'd LOVE to be able to go and get him and bring him down here to spend some time with us. I hate that we live so far away from each other. Our conversation was short...as can be expected from a male of any age. LOL! He told me some things about school and how he was kinda scared on the first day of first grade. It's absolutely crazy to me to think that he's in first grade already. Once upon a time was this little baby who nursed like there was no tomorrow...and then there was a chubby toddler who clung to my legs and then I turned around and here was this 4 year old little boy and today there stands a little man who still calls his mama "Silly". That's one thing I think I'll always be is "Silly" to Aidan. Heck...I think I'll be "silly" to all the men in my life. I've always been the cut up, trying for a laugh. Donovan thinks I'm goofy too. I can see it in his eyes...he's always got this look like "what's Mama got up her sleeve? What's she gonna do next? Is she gonna just sit there or is she gonna chase me across the living room any second?" All I want is for my boys to have full belly's, to feel safe and to feel loved. Most of all, to feel loved and safe. The food and lodging...God will provide a way for that always. The feeling of safety and love though...I have to provide that...God gives it to me to give to my children. For the past 4 years...my exhusband and his family have been providing that for Aidan. I wasn't sure how to approach them to give mine as well...so I let it be. I don't regret the decision I made to leave Aidan with his dad. I wasn't in a position to provide for him adequately. I knew his dad would be the best dad he knew how to be...he's a WONDERFUL daddy. It's not that I was a bad mom either. I just wasn't the best PERSON. It's absolutely amazing...if you could take a snapshot of Jenna at 25 and a snapshot of Jenna at 29...one would be dark and the other would be light. So much has changed in me. And I have to contribute that change to Jesus Christ coming into my heart and changing me from the inside out. I am a better person for it...better mother, better wife, better friend. I like me a lot more too!